A Milkshake and Pizza Epiphany

So there's this awesome book called Women Food and God.  It's by this awesome woman Geneen Roth, who's written a ton of books on food and eating, most famously When Food Is Love, which I believe is about eating disorders and is considered an important work on the subject.

Her basic stance on eating is that to be healthy and your proper weight etc, you should eat exactly what your body wants.  BUT there are "guidelines" for eating, which boil down to being extremely mindful while you are eating.

I have finally realized that this is what I need to do.  And after a lifetime of not being especially mindful, it's much harder than I expected.

I've been letting myself eat "what I want" the last month (and attempting to do it without guilt), and yes, I've gained back a couple pounds.  I've been trying to keep in mind that an adjustment/learning period is normal, but I was starting to question if this did make sense for me.

Until this afternoon.

I decided for lunch I would have a milkshake and leftover pizza.  Not healthy, but it sounded delicious.

I ate through half of my milkshake quickly, enjoying it certainly, but not really focused on it.  And eating in that kind of way like this might be the last milkshake I'll ever get to have in my life.  Creating strict rules for yourself about what you're "allowed" to eat because otherwise you're a bad person will do that to you.

Then I stopped and looked at it.  I realized I could eat it a lot more slowly, and really pay attention to the experience of the milkshake.

And it was so difficult and foreign. Something about just the idea made me feel threatened.

I realized I have a concept in my head that "milkshake=delicious" and I was so caught up in that, that I didn't really know what I was experiencing.

So I ate a few more spoonfuls, slowly.  The consistency was oddly sticky gooey.  And it had a sickly sweet aftertaste that I was not enjoying but rather overcoming.  I poured the rest down the sink.

Then my pizza.  Even before I started eating, I got a kind of uh-oh feeling.

I don't think I actually liked that pizza much at all, and I know my belly didn't really like it.

And yet, somehow the very notion that maybe I don't actually like pizza was totally threatening to my whole way of life.

Like, dear god, if I don't like pizza, what else don't I actually like?  What else have I talked myself into?  What else have I made wonderful in my head, without really seeing the reality of it?

Somehow just focusing on my experience of pizza with my full attention made me realize that I really ought to be giving the same level of focus on everything in my life.  And I might find some surprising things.

Part of me was in such denial that this was even happening, I ate the whole piece.

In that awesome book I mentioned above, Geneen Roth says: "Our relationship to food is an exact microcosm of our relationship to life itself.  I believe we are walking, talking expressions of our deepest convictions; everything we believe about love, fear, transformation and God is revealed in how, when and what we eat."

I think she's right.

Here are her Eating Guidelines, which I intend to follow a lot more closely now.

1. Eat when you are hungry.
2. Eat sitting down in a calm environment.  This does not include the car.
3. Eat without distractions.  Distractions include radio, television, newspapers, books, intense or anxiety-producing conversations, or music.
4. Eat what your body wants.
5. Eat until you are satisfied.
6. Eat (with the intention of being) in full view of others.
7. Eat with enjoyment, gusto, and pleasure.

Here's to waking up.

Byron Katie and The Work

I am fortunate enough to have just seen Byron Katie in person.  I'm all excited now, and this will probably not turn out super organized, and I'm sure there will be more tomorrow as well, but I've got to get some of this out now.

So Byron Katie is this amazing woman who came up with what she calls The Work.  I like the summary on her website a lot:

"The Work of Byron Katie is a way of identifying and questioning the thoughts that cause all the fear and suffering in the world. Experience the happiness of undoing those thoughts through The Work, and allow your mind to return to its true, awakened, peaceful, creative nature."

To summarize what you do:  You think of a stressful situation, and it's easiest to use a situation where you're upset with another person.  Then you write down all your thoughts and feelings you're having about this person.  (There's a great worksheet that she tells you to use, and after a year of not really using the worksheet until tonight, I have to say: use the worksheet.)

Then you take each thought you wrote down and examine it.  You ask four questions about it:
1. Is it true?
2. Can I absolutely know that it's true?
3. How do I react when I believe that thought?
4. Who would I be without the thought?

Then you do the "turnaround."  If your thought was "He doesn't respect me," there are three turnarounds.  I don't respect me.  I don't respect him.  He does respect me.  Then think of three specific examples of how those statements could be true.

So through Inquiry (the other thing she calls The Work), you examine your thoughts and realize that your thoughts are your problems, not whatever or whoever you think your problem is.

You know, it's all that mind stuff.  Your mind trying to make itself real, ego attachment, all that sort of thing.

You will also realize startling things about yourself.  You know the whole thing about if you dislike something in someone it's because you dislike it in yourself?  Yeah, that's the sort of thing you'll get here, only more so.

She dialogued tonight with a man who was so distraught about his relationship with his son, that he'd driven straight from Illinois to see her.  His main belief that they examined was that his son disrespects him.  By the end of it he'd come to see not only how much he has been disrespectful towards his son, but also towards himself.  As Katie says, he owes his son and himself many apologies.

Quoting her: "If I am disrespectful, I see my children as disrespectful."

And then I love what the man suddenly realized: "Everything is me!"  The audience laughed loudly and applauded.

Your son or your wife or your mother is not your problem; YOU are your problem.

Something I started to grok tonight is that I can do The Work on almost any situation with any person I find stressful, and because "everything is me," I will get to some real truths about myself that are applicable to every situation, because, of course, everything is me.

Another quote from her: "If you say, 'I love you,' it's about you, not me."

So we have these beliefs and thoughts, and our minds work so hard to stay in control of us.  The mind creates its own reality to prove itself right.  It will come up with all kinds of evidence to maintain those thoughts and beliefs.

One of my favorite things she said tonight: "All suffering is a projection of mind."   YES.

Katie herself is so warm and loving and friendly and funny.  There is so much laughter throughout the event.  She herself just kind of glows.

We all recognize the absurdity of the thoughts (and we've all had versions of them, as she says, "There are no new thoughts.") and how can you not laugh?  I find it a relief to laugh at myself like that.

I love her reminders that you are lovable and worthy.  We are as kind as we know how to be.  We are 100% innocent, we're just believing our thoughts.

Tonight she also worked with a woman diagnosed with a fatal disease (Katie: "Everyone has a fatal disease.  Life is a fatal disease.) who is, understandably, struggling with her diagnosis and illness.  At first, the woman seemed kind of grim, and I could tell she wasn't really getting it.

Her first thought they examined was "The disease is killing me."  They worked through the four questions, and the woman was answering and going along, but still didn't seem to fully get it. She did realize that the movies she played in her head about her future suffering were what was causing her to suffer right now, not actually the disease.

Then they got to the turnaround, and she said "I'm killing me.  I'm the problem."  And smiled.  She GOT it.  The audience totally broke out in applause.  It was so moving and beautiful to see someone get it and light up like that.

And then, the part that blew my mind, was the turnaround "I'm killing the disease."  Katie said, "Doesn't everything have a right to live?  If you're going to have unconditional love, that means everything.  Saying 'I love everything, except that,' is not unconditional."

Whoa.

Now, I recognize that not everyone views the Universe this way, and that's fine, but I totally do, and yet I had never thought of this before.  I work on love for everybody but not everything.  Totally eye opening.

Whew.  That was just 3 hours tonight.  Tomorrow there's 6 more.  I can't wait.

Speak Your Mind

About 12 years ago I came across a bumper sticker that so resonated with me, I actually bought it:

"Speak your mind, even if your voice shakes." -Maggie Kuhn

Except then I felt like if I actually put it on something--like for instance, my bumper--I would draw too much attention to myself, possibly it would lead to some kind of conflict, and it was just generally sticking my neck out more than I was comfortable with.

Irony, anyone?


All the time these days, I think of things that I want to share with people. Information, opinions, my views on life, or sometimes just things I think are cool.

And yet much of the time, I don't share them.  For the same reasons I've yet to put that sticker on my car.  (Also though, because it's been hard to find the time.)

But "speak your mind" is a sentiment I truly believe in.  And I've decided I'm done being scared of unreal things.  I'm done letting my little lizard brain make my decisions for me.

And so I have challenged myself to start this blog and make a post in it at least once a week.

I would like it very much if you choose to read it, because sharing requires more than just me.

Welcome.